Blog: Recovery & Redemption Publishers

Chasing the Fox
Have you ever had an experience which has imbedded itself into your thoughts to peel off some protective layers of your consciousness? Sometimes foolishness needs a stage to be more clearly revealed.

Setting the Stage:
My spouse and I drive a particular route regularly going to and from town for shopping, restaurants, and services. The route runs through some farmland where vegetables, wheat, and corn are grown. There are homes interspersed along the road. Occasionally we spot a rabbit, coyote, or fox moving in the fields at dusk or dawn. It is always a scenic, interesting ride.

This time of year, the fields lie fallow, having been, plowed, cultivated, chiseled or broken with a disc as needed in preparation for spring planting. As there are no barriers to visibility, whatever rises above the surface of the ground stands no chance of remaining hidden. The only cover remains in the ditches and along the road, where the tall grasses remain as they have not been burned out yet in preparation for water flows in the spring.

Consequently, that is where the wildlife and the predators tend to lurk. Inevitably, they leave a scent trail for those coming after them. The invisible trail follows the wandering path that is followed as the various denizens search for food and shelter.

Along this stretch of highway, there is a 4 Way Stop intersection. The south two corners are inhabited by homes. The north two corners abut open fields. Occasionally, approaching the intersection, we observed some dogs in the yards of the two homes, but paid scant attention, as they were incidental to our journey back and forth.

An unusual encounter:
On one recent trip, as we approached the intersection we began slowing in preparation for stopping at the corner. As we did, two dogs bounded up and out of the ditch and ran right in front of the car. Clearly, they were on a “scent trail”, probably from the Fox we had seen a couple of days earlier in the same area. Slamming on the brakes, we felt the car make contact with one of them.

We continued to skid to a stop, fearing the worst. As we did, we saw the two dogs run off into the yard of one of the homes. One of them was limping noticeably as it ran away. They disappeared around the back of one of the homes and out of sight. Some what shaken, we pulled into the drive of the home where the dogs disappeared. Getting out of the car, we approached the door, thinking we had very bad news for the owner.

A Surprise:
We rang the door bell, and could hear dogs barking inside the home. As the Woman opened the door, we observed two healthy Rottweilers bounding around behind her; neither appeared to be in any distress. In fact, they approached wagging their tails and licking our hands.

We began by explaining what had happened and asking if there was an injured dog in her yard. She began to chuckle and giggle. We were taken aback at her response. Only then did we see that one of her dogs had only three legs, and walked with a distinct hopping gait characteristic of dogs missing a limb. She said they had just come in through the “doggie door”.

A Realization
She explained her dogs were probably tracking the “Fox scent” and were oblivious to anything else when they were “on the hunt”. We examined the dogs and found no significant damage from the encounter with our vehicle, much to our relief.

She continued her story by telling us that the 3 legged dog had previously been hit by a car in the same area while following a scent trail. Here was the dog, damaged and hobbled from a previous encounter, now pursuing exactly the same path, with a similar result. The fortunate outcome was that there were no serious injuries from this most recent brush with death.

A lesson:
As I reflected on the experience, I kept flashing to the image of the dog limping away. A question formed in my mind: “How often do we repeat destructive, dangerous, hunts for that elusive sense of well being? We chase the Restless Fox of relief, only to run into the path of an addiction, activity, behavior, or people who threaten and deliver all kinds of harm; physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual forms of death and destruction.

We blithely repeat the pattern, just as the dog did chasing an elusive and long gone fox. We suffer the consequences, the fox goes on. Who is the fool; The Fox or the hound?

Perhaps, a better way is to follow a different scent trail and stay out of dangerous ditches. I suggest that pursuit of God’s scent, following His path is a far better idea. Believe, trust, and receive! He will not guide us into self destructive behavior and foolish risks. In fact, the path leads to life in abundance and joy we can never find in the fox hunt.

Do you find this article helpful, thought provoking?

The crazy season:

The “Holiday Season”, from Thanksgiving through the New Year, is often a minefield of triggers for those in recovery. Listening to people talk inside and outside of meetings here in Aurora, one can discern the stress and tension that often accompanies the days & nights.

Here are some tips for increasing the “Sanity level” in life during this time.

 Number one:

Remember that your recovery & sanity must be first: Practice “principles before personalities; even before your own personality. Ask yourself: “What principles are necessary for me to maintain balance?”

Number two:

Run with the winners. Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your recovery & spiritual life. Get to more meetings; get some prayer partners; go to church services; talk to your mentors and sponsors, hang out before and after meetings; read more Scripture and other recovery books.

 Number Three:

Think ahead: When planning activities or attending the “Office party”, be sure you have a good reason for being there. Prepare an “Exit Strategy” ahead of time so you are not at the mercy of others if you need to leave to protect your sobriety / recovery.

Number Four:

Avoid Denial and stay in touch: It is easy to let ourselves get caught up in the belief that we should “feel” a certain way; happy, joyous, happy with family, loving, glad to give, or: __________ fill in the blank. The reality is the moment to moment experience may be anything but these positive times. In fact, there may be a preponderance of the exact opposites. Admit how you are really feeling and take the action indicated to address the situations. BE HONEST with yourself and others.

 Number Five:

Give and serve: Make a decision to step out of self-serving focus on yourself. Find someone to serve without expecting anything back. Give of your time and energy to make someone’s day better. Utter a kind word; say a prayer for a stranger; greet someone with a smile; say “Thank you” and mean it; make a gratitude list; give the gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

 Do a few simple things and be guaranteed that your days will be brighter.

A Common Thread:

There is a common thread which is observed in recovery meetings in Aurora (and elsewhere too). It is this: those who actually follow the suggestions and do the work seem to get better; those who do not meet with little or no success.  A secondary thread is that individuals who cease growing in their faith and walk with God become odiously and often covertly even more selfish and exhibitionistic.  They talk the talk but their feet (actions) betray their real state. What is the solution to this conundrum so commonly seen?

We have all tried to change course at some points in our lives. Perhaps we have succeeded for a while, only to revert to pervious difficulties. Perhaps we have left one behavior only to pick up another that is equally virulent in its capacity to debilitate our lives.  No matter the cause, we eventually arrive at a point of determining to seek help from outside of ourselves to effect the needed change.  There is a process to do this outlined in previous articles here. See the links if you wish to understand the context of the information which follows.

Now What?

Having made this sobering evaluation as honestly as we are able, the next question we have to squarely confront is, “Now what?”

If we wait too long, we completely lose any opportunity to change course. Let us learn from others examples and determine to do whatever it takes to change course.

The first lesson to learn is this: we must clearly know in our hearts where our power comes from. Think about this: if we could have overcome our deficiencies on our own before this, likely we would have. Consider the common Toaster. How well does it work if it is not plugged in? You can put bread in it, mash on the button, and wait.

Without power, it looks good, seems to function, and yet produces no results. So are we when relying on our own power; lots of activity, looking good, great effort, producing mediocre results. There is no lasting change, just as there is no toast. Just bread!

Correcting Course:

These “course corrections” involve the need for substantive changes in our character. This means core changes of our beliefs, thinking, and consequent actions. Simply “resolving” to do better will not suffice without readjusted actions to support the effort.

So, we have to have help from outside ourselves. Our own resources are insufficient to effect the necessary changes; to make course corrections that are sustainable. We are like the stale bread. How do we plug into the power to access what is needed to effect the change we seek? We identify what is deficient in ourselves.

We must rely on God for everything. When we need strength, we know God will provide it. When we are assigned a task, whatever it is, we put confidence in God, not ourselves. Our strength arises from our relationship and trust in God, not from overt confidence in our own abilities.

As a practical matter for us, we can proceed along this course:

• We can admit our flaws.
• We can recognize that we need to exchange selfishness for selflessness, self absorption for God consciousness.
• We can humbly go to God and ask him to remove these deficiencies in character and replace them with his own spirit and power.
• We can seek for unselfishness, humility, and honesty.
• We can operate in trust, God reliance, and courage.
• We can exhibit self control, consideration of others, and develop healthy relationships.
• We can go and do the next right thing, confident the needed power to do the right thing will flow to and through us.

To the extent that we seek to carry out God’s will and lay down our selfishness we will encounter, as others have, the power to conquer our internal and external “Goliath challenges and issues”.

The end result is an orientation of our internal compass to “Spiritual North” with the accompanying mental, emotional, and physical courage to “overcome.” Our internal compass accurately directs us: helping us to become “God – willed”. Our Lives will revolve around God, moving in constant step with Him.

The Bottom Line:

We have to have some help from outside ourselves. Our own resources are insufficient to effect the necessary changes; to make course corrections that are sustainable.

Following this thinking in our own situation means if we wish to have more of the facets of the character that are positive, and diminish the facets that are negative, we will have to seek God and request he work in and through us.

Remember the last article? Our yard in Aurora is home to a large Ash tree; a beautiful specimen at this time of year in its bright orange and yellow foliage, now mostly on the ground as the tree prepares for winter. It fits the poetry line that says there is no poem as lovely as a tree. Among the branches of this denizen, a number of squirrels have made their residence. Among these is a mother squirrel we have nicknamed Madeline; hence, the article title of the same name.

 Setting the stage: a little more Aurora back yard history

In the most recent article: Madeline; a lesson in recovery from a squirrel, the relationship with this particular inhabitant on our environment was laid out in some detail. There have been more interesting and illustrative developments in the interim.

 What Happened?

I mentioned that as she got bolder, she graduated to coming right up to the window, sitting on her haunches, and pressing her nose to the door glass to signal that she was ready for her morning repast. As time has passed, the level of “squirrel expectancy” has increased.

 Occasionally, when the weather is warm, the patio door stands open to let in fresh air. This door opens to the kitchen and the dining room. There is no screen on this particular door, but to date this has not presented any problems. On the dining room table is a bowl of M&M’s reserved for the twin granddaughters when they visit (per their instructions to “Papa”). This is a tempting treat, but so far has remained “off limits”. 

 Last week, the door was open, and the house was quiet. We were both in other rooms in the home attending to various chores and tasks. Walking down the hall toward the living room that abuts the dining room and kitchen, there was a scurry of motion on one of the dining room chairs and a place mat fell to the floor.

Our friend, Madeline was observed scurrying across the kitchen floor and out the door, only to alight atop the BBQ grill outside. Approaching the window, the squirrel was observed rapidly consuming the remnants of an M&M. Judging by the shape of her cheeks it was the last of several.

Her desire for a “food fix” had overcome the innate caution and fear of people and enclosed spaces. In addition, the habituation of this space a food source created a progression to bolder actions on her part. Note that the choice of food, M&M’s, is not a healthy one for a squirrel.

 She came all the way across the kitchen, into the dining room on the far side, and up onto the table to access the “food”. That would seem to qualify as “going to great lengths” to get what she wanted; even to risking entrapment and possibly very adverse consequences. There was no certainty that entering the house would not end badly for the squirrel.

 The remedy was obvious: remove the tempting morsels from sight, and keep the door closed. We had to intervene or the squirrel would ultimately perish; either from toxic food or at the hand of the very persons who seemed to offer sustenance.

A second metaphor of addiction and recovery:

As this particular misadventure was taking place, the obvious parallel to addiction and recovery practically shouted its presence. Most often, beginning innocently enough, we progress to getting all we can as often as we can regardless of the supply or consequences.

 Having become dependant on our “mood altering” substance or activity, we move from innocuous choices to get it to full blown and severely risky behaviors to obtain it. In the process we lose all sanity and sense of self preservation. All that matters is accessing our supply.  

 In addition, the source invariably becomes unhealthy, even poisonous to us, even as chocolate is to a Squirrel. We consume it with belligerent denial of the damaging effects and unhealthy and risky activities required to obtain it. We blithely consume it in front of everyone thinking we are the victors. All but we can see that there is really only defeat, which we are unable to see in our headlong pursuit of the prize. Something has to intervene or we die.

 A few Questions:

Have you experienced this progression in your life?

Have you begun drinking, only to come to the realization that you are out of control and you cannot stop?

Has a small seed of anger morphed into uncontrollable, destructive fury time after time?

Has Unforgiveness become a deeply bitter spirit that pervades every interaction?

Has a seeming innocuous fear begun to dominate your thinking and actions?

Has a habit that you would like to change proved resistant to every effort to be rid of it?

Are you as powerless as Madeline the squirrel to change your patterns?

Is an intervention indicated?

 Thoughts to ponder:

Is God’s arm too short? Does He lack power to help? NO! No more than the cupboard in the kitchen is empty. God is more than able! Rather than recklessly pursue our habit of choice, perhaps we could simply go to God and ask Him to change our “want to”.

 To repeat: God is gracious and merciful; He gives us an everlasting, endless, bottomless, boundless, supply of love. We can come to His door and be fed every time.

 If He can use a squirrel to teach us, can he not set us free? Believe, trust, and receive!

Our yard in Aurora is home to a large Ash tree; a beautiful specimen at this time of year in its bright orange and yellow foliage. It fits the poetry line that says there is no poem as lovely as a tree. Among the branches of this denizen, a number of squirrels have made their residence. Among these is a mother squirrel we have nicknamed Madeline; hence, the article title of the same name.

Setting the stage: a little Aurora back yard history

My spouse has enjoyed feeding the birds and watching them come into the yard. For some time now, she has been spreading corn in the planter and placing some in a feeder in the same area. It did not take long for the resident squirrels to partake of the feast as well. Then, during the winter, it was spread on the deck near the back door.

At some points, the corn supply ran out, so she substituted some rancid walnuts she had left over from a baking project. Needless to say, the squirrels were ecstatic. What was interesting was to see them squabble. The dominant males chased off the weaker ones, and then fought among themselves for rights to the food.

I noticed a female who would sit on the roof and watch. When the males were chasing each other, she would quietly steal in and fill up her cheeks, and scamper off with more than any of them could get as they fought; a brilliant strategy. She cleaned up while they fought!

Over time; there were a variety of nuts offered: peanuts, almonds, walnuts, mixed nuts. Whatever was in the kitchen for the family, the squirrels shared in the bounty. All were consumed with the fervor of a feeding frenzy.

Something Interesting Happened:

As the squirrel wars continued, an interesting thing happened. Gradually the warring males disappeared and the female gathered the nuts for herself. As things progressed the squirrel became less wary of us as the food supply was more or less consistent and we did not make any threatening moves. Madeline, as we nicknamed her, got used to our routine and would appear on the deck in the morning shortly after the curtains were opened.

As she got bolder, she graduated to coming right up to the window, sitting on her haunches, and pressing her nose to the door glass to signal that she was ready for her morning repast. If we did not respond, she would jump up on the BBQ and bounce off the window repeatedly to get our attention. She learned where the food came from and how to get it! As time has passed, the level of “squirrel expectancy” has increased.

Fast forward to a few days ago:

As we sat in the kitchen eating our breakfast, she appeared. We put out a handful of almonds. Madeline sat and ate one. Then she ate two. Then she grabbed 1 nut and ran off. Soon, she returned and stuck 2 nuts in her mouth and ran off. Returning again, 3 nuts disappeared into her cheeks and off she went. The process repeated until the last time 5 nuts went into every space available.

A metaphor of addiction and recovery:

Watching this saga unfold, the thought came “I can be just like this in addictive /compulsive behavior.” How often do we encounter something that seems to promise we will be nourished? Beginning with only a little, we progress to getting all we can as often as we can regardless of the supply or consequences. Assuming that we can’t get enough, we grab all we can of whatever it is and become totally dependent on the “supply” whether healthy or not.

All she knows is the food is in front of her today so she “squirrels away” the whole amount voraciously in an effort to be secure. What the squirrel does not know is that there is an abundant supply of nuts in the house. There will also be food tomorrow. She has learned where the source is but has not come to trust the abundance of the supply.

A thought to ponder:

Are we not similar in our relationship with our “supply” and or with God at times? First we get trapped in our “supply” of whatever we rely on to feel better. Then, perhaps recognizing that this is defeating and killing us, we turn to God; to spiritual answers. Yet, we repeat the same pattern of trying to grab all we can in fear that we will not be provided for.

Is God’s storehouse empty? NO! No more than our cupboard in the kitchen is empty. There is more than enough in Gods supply for anything we need! Rather than “squirrel away” what we are given, perhaps we could simply receive the days supply and trust that tomorrow will bring the supply we need then.

God is gracious and merciful; He gives us an everlasting, endless, bottomless, boundless, supply of love. We can come to His door and be fed every time.

If He can use a squirrel to teach us, can he not give us all things? Believe, trust, and receive!

In this final article of the series, Part 4, “Our Primary Purpose” of recovery remains firmly in front of us. Recently, in a meeting with a veteran of recovery (33 years of sobriety), he said this as we sat in the Village Inn at Colfax & Chambers: “If a  person will not take a good hard look at themselves with an honest and open mind, there is very little chance of recovery and healing.” The statement has been the essential concept which underlies the information that has been presented. This activity is essential. This article is the fourth in a series of 4 which cover this topic.

Setting the stage: a brief review

In the previous articles we stated that we need to ask ourselves some penetrating questions.

To answer these questions in an honest and realistic fashion, we need to look at our character. Think about this for a moment. We each have several personas we present. We present the persona we want others to see; the persona that we tell ourselves we are, and the persona that is truly who we are when no one else is looking.

In order to really answer the questions, we will have to honestly come to terms with three key facets of our character. Each Facet is represented in either an asset, or as a deficiency. On one side of each aspect is a character asset; the other side is a character defect. Each in turn will lead to either an effective way of thinking or an ineffective one. This in turn results in actions that lead us toward dealing with our problem, or running away in defeat. Since our topic is taking stock of ourselves, this time we will examine the last facet:

Asset – Deficiency Set 3:

Self Control/Considerate/Healthy Relationships;

and

Self-absorbed/Inconsiderate/Damaged Relationships

As was stated before, assets and deficiencies are binary. One is self controlled or self absorbed; considerate or inconsiderate; engages in healthy relationships or creates damaged relationships. While there is a continuum or spectrum of possibilities in each facet, we are always moving toward one or the other. We cannot move toward being considerate at the same time we move toward being inconsiderate. In that regard, they are mutually exclusive.

To begin:

How do we accurately identify each characteristic in ourselves, and then devise a plan to develop the positive and reduce the negatives? In order to be better positioned to confront our situation, we must develop the internal strength of character to do so. This means we must take a deeply honest and thorough look at ourselves.

All of this is grand theory, but is useless without a practical actionable plan that is readily implemented. For a plan to be effective, it must be implemented fully. If you choose to follow this path, make a commitment to follow the trail to the end. Stopping in the middle is an invitation to failure and even greater difficulty.

On the other hand, if you endure to the end, you will conquer.

Here are a few suggestions about how to proceed. Do not shrink from what may at first glance appear as an unnecessary activity.

An Example:

Think again about the well known story of David and Goliath. Let’s look at the two main characters and see how these traits evidenced in them. Consider again the asset / deficiency set:

Set 3: Self Control/Considerate/Healthy Relationships;

and

Self-absorbed/Inconsiderate/Damaged Relationships

David:

In the narrative of the story, David clearly demonstrates self control. He is focused, clear about his values, intent upon his purpose, and clean and clear in his actions. That is self control at its best. He is considerate of his father, his brothers, the army, the King, and most importantly, his God. His relationships are characterized by respect, humility, honesty, and forthrightness.

Goliath:

While we have no record of interaction with his army, we can see that the story clearly indicates he was full of himself as evidenced by his rantings toward the Israelite Army and toward David. It is impossible to be selfish and not be inconsiderate toward others. After all, when we are the center of the universe, what else really matters in our world?

Goliath clearly did not consider David a person worthy of anything but disdain and mockery. He was used to being served; he even had an armor bearer to carry his shield. He was so egotistical he did not even see the need to protect himself fully. His relationship with his own army was so fragile that they fled rather than defend his honor by fighting when he was defeated.

A few questions for evaluation of your self in this regard:

• Where have you been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate in your dealings with others?
• Have you inspired mistrust or bitterness in others?
• What was your real motivation: Self or selflessness?
• Do you engage in transactional relationships: give to get, you do for me and I’ll do for you or vice versa?
• Do you disguise this as helpful, love, or serving?
• Are you a grudge holder?
• Do you find that you move from relationship to relationship, regardless of the nature of the interaction (friend, lover, business, acquaintance, etc.)?

Let your truthful answers to these questions help you chart a course to get rid of the deficiencies and build the assets. While we may all want to be like David in character, it is likely that we have some “Goliath” traits that we need to purge.

Summary:

Stones for your sling: The key take away points from this series:

1.  Recognize that assets and deficiencies are mutually exclusive.
2. While there is a continuum or spectrum of possibilities in each facet, we are always moving toward one or the other.
3. What is paramount at this juncture is to recognize the exact nature of our deficiencies so we can move toward finding victory over them.

“Our Primary Purpose” of recovery remains firmly in front of us. Recently, in a meeting with a veteran of recovery (33 years of sobriety), he said this as we sat in the Village Inn at Colfax & Chambers: “If a  person will not take a good hard look at themselves with an honest and open mind, there is very little chance of recovery and healing.” This activity is essential. This article is the third in a series of 4 which will cover this topic.

 Setting the stage: a brief review

In the previous articles we said we will need to ask ourselves some penetrating questions.

To answer these questions in an honest and realistic fashion, we need to look at our character. Think about this for a moment. We each have several personas we present. We present the persona we want others to see; the persona that we tell ourselves we are, and the persona that is truly who we are when no one else is looking.

 In order to really answer the questions, we will have to honestly come to terms with three key facets of our character. Each Facet is represented in either an asset, or as a deficiency. On one side of each aspect is a character asset; the other side is a character defect. Each in turn will lead to either an effective way of thinking or an ineffective one. This in turn results in actions that lead us toward dealing with our problem, or running away in defeat. Since our topic is taking stock of ourselves, this time we will examine:

 Asset – Deficiency Sets 2:

Trust/God Reliance/Courage

and

Self Reliance/Fear/Cowardice  

 As was stated before, assets and deficiencies are binary. One is God trusting or fearful; God reliant or self reliant; courageous or cowardly. While there is a continuum or spectrum of possibilities in each facet, we are always moving toward one or the other. We cannot move toward trusting God at the same time we move toward fear. In that regard, they are mutually exclusive.

 To begin:

How do we accurately identify each characteristic in ourselves, and then devise a plan to develop the positive and reduce the negatives? In order to be better positioned to confront our situation, we must develop the internal strength of character to do so. This means we must take a deeply honest and thorough look at ourselves.

 All of this is grand theory, but is useless without a practical actionable plan that is readily implemented. For a plan to be effective, it must be implemented fully. If you choose to follow this path, make a commitment to follow the trail to the end. Stopping in the middle is an invitation to failure and even greater difficulty.

On the other hand, if you endure to the end, you will conquer.

Here are a few suggestions about how to proceed. Do not shrink from what may at first glance appear as an unnecessary activity.

 An Example:

Think again about the well known story of David and Goliath. Let’s look at the two main characters and see how these traits evidenced in them. Consider again the asset / deficiency set:

Set 2: Trust/God Reliance/Courage as we see in David

and

Self Reliance/Fear/Cowardice that is in Goliath.

David first:

He acts in a consistent manner through out this encounter. He speaks of God first and always in a manner that reveals he trusts God to provide for his needs and to give him victory. He is very clear about where his power source is, and indicates that he is relying on God to come through for him each time. His courage is rooted, not in himself, but in the total certainty God will be victorious in and through him. In simple terms, David realizes his purpose is to serve God wholeheartedly, not himself.

 Now consider Goliath:

It is easier to appear courageous when your physical stature is as intimidating as Goliath’s was. Brute force is more often a symptom of fear than courage, especially when it is aggressive and offensive in nature as was the case here. Real courage is always contained and directed, not just thrown out indiscriminately.

 Self reliance, in this case, is demonstrated by Goliaths utter failure to give credit or acknowledge anyone other than himself. His power, as he understood it, arose from within himself and was surely sufficient to meet the challenge as he saw it. Self reliance always causes us to have a distorted perspective of the totality of a situation. We are limited to what we know or can do, and there is always someone or something bigger than we are. Defeat is inevitable, as Goliath clearly experienced.

 Look at ourselves:

While we all know the outcome of the story, it is easy to dismiss Goliath as a fool and braggart. However, how many of us would be able to so casually dismiss these things if the spotlight were on us?

Some questions to ponder in this regard:

What we trust in is revealed by our actions.

What do you trust in, really?

What are your fears (specifically – name them)?

What are you trying to postpone, evade, or deny?

What is your power source?

Have you been able to overcome your fears on your own power? (Hint: if you still have the fear, you have not been able to overcome on your own power.)

          Has self reliance failed you?

          How could you plug into a greater power source?

 Write it down:

We could go on. Very few, if any of us could answer 100% positively to such questions. In fact, it is likely that even a cursory, superficial answer to such questions will reveal there is much that could be considered as deficient. We each have much of “Goliath” in our makeup in this regard. Take some time and write down your answers. In the next article, we’ll do some more digging.

Labor Day has come and gone. However, “Our Primary Purpose” of recovery remains firmly in front of us. In a meeting yesterday with a veteran of recovery (33 years of sobriety), he said this as we sat in the Village Inn: “If a person will not take a good hard look at themselves with an honest and open mind, there is very little chance of recovery and healing.” This activity is essential. This article is the second in a series of 4 which will cover this topic.

Setting the stage:
In the previous article we said we will need to ask ourselves some penetrating questions.
To answer these questions in an honest and realistic fashion, we need to look at our character. Think about this for a moment. We each have several personas we present. We present the persona we want others to see; the persona that we tell ourselves we are, and the persona that is truly who we are when no one else is looking.

In order to really answer the questions, we will have to honestly come to terms with three key facets of our character. Each Facet is represented in either an asset, or as a deficiency. On one side of each aspect is a character asset; the other side is a character defect. Each in turn will lead to either an effective way of thinking or an ineffective one. This in turn results in actions that lead us toward dealing with our problem, or running away in defeat. Since our topic is taking stock of ourselves, this time we will examine:

Asset – Deficiency Sets:
Set 1: Unselfishness / Humility / Honesty or Selfishness / Pride / Dishonesty

As was stated earlier, assets and deficiencies are binary. One is selfish or unselfish; prideful or humble; honest or dishonest. While there is a continuum or spectrum of possibilities in each facet, we are always moving toward one or the other. We cannot move toward honesty at the same time we move toward dishonesty. In that regard, they are mutually exclusive.

To begin:
How do we accurately identify each characteristic in ourselves, and then devise a plan to develop the positive and reduce the negatives? In order to be better positioned to confront our situation, we must develop the internal strength of character to do so. This means we must take a deeply honest and thorough look at ourselves.

All of this is grand theory, but is useless without a practical actionable plan that is readily implemented. For a plan to be effective, it must be implemented fully. If you choose to follow this path, make a commitment to follow the trail to the end. Stopping in the middle is an invitation to failure and even greater difficulty.
On the other hand, if you endure to the end, you will conquer.
Here are a few suggestions about how to proceed. Do not shrink from what may at first glance appear as an unnecessary activity.

An Example:
Think about the well known story of David and Goliath. Let’s look at the two main characters and see how these traits evidenced in them. Consider again the asset / deficiency set:
Set 1: Unselfishness/Humility/Honesty as evidenced in David,
And
Selfishness/Pride/ Dishonesty as evidenced in Goliath.
Look at David:
How did he evidence these Character traits? Back to the beginning of the Story: David was tending his Father’s sheep when Samuel arrived. He unselfishly continued to perform his duties. He went to visit his brothers when his father sent him on the errand. He responded to the insult to God, and not to the ones to himself. He was honest with King Saul about his purpose and did not overstate his experience or his abilities. He relied on God for strength and for victory. He put God first. In short, he exhibited unselfishness, humility, and honesty.

Look at Goliath:
Goliath was boastful, arrogant, cocky, self reliant, egotistical, and self serving. Pride was his mainspring, as he was the “champion” of the army. He was so certain of victory that he did not even stop to honestly consider the possibility of defeat. His self reliance was so supreme that he even used the names of his “gods” to curse David. Goliath was so confident within himself that he dared to use his false “gods” names in a manner that directed the credit to him instead of them; a dangerous tactic to use in any circumstance.

Look at ourselves:
While we all know the outcome of the story, it is easy to dismiss Goliath as a fool. However, how many of us would be able to so casually dismiss these things if the spotlight were on us?
For example, ask yourself these questions:
How have you been dishonest with yourself or others?
When have you sought to make yourself look better than you really are or were in a given circumstance?
Have you taken credit for something you did not do?
How has pride led you to dismiss your faults and exaggerate the faults of others?
Have you disregarded others in your headlong pursuit of your own agenda?
Have you denied your part in difficulties with other people; perhaps even the bigger part?
Is the fault generally with others and not with you?
Have you set situations up to ensure you’re looking good regardless of what happens to other people?
Do you experience resentment toward others?

Write it down:
We could go on. Very few, if any of us could answer positively to such questions. In fact, it is likely that even a cursory, superficial answer to such questions will reveal there is much that could be considered as deficient. We each have much of “Goliath” in our makeup in this regard. Take some time and write down your answers. In the next article, we’ll do some more digging.

We are approaching the Labor Day Holiday in Aurora. This weekend, one of the most well known recovery organizations is having their state convention. The Theme of the Convention is “Our Primary Purpose” – focusing on the mission of the individuals and the groups.

Primary Purpose:
In order to fulfill the “primary purpose” of achieving the desired form of sobriety in recovery, an essential activity is taking stock of ourselves; taking personal inventory. What is a framework for thinking about this activity that may be helpful? We will need to ask ourselves some penetrating questions.

To answer these questions in an honest and realistic fashion, we need to look at our character. Think about this for a moment. We each have several personas we present. We present the persona we want others to see; the persona that we tell ourselves we are, and the persona that is truly who we are when no one else is looking.

In order to really answer the questions, we will have to honestly come to terms with three key facets of our character. These three facets are crucial to our character; our own internal makeup which will determine how we orient for battle with our particular compulsion, addiction, or hurt.

Each Facet is represented in either an asset, or as a deficiency. On one side of each aspect is a character asset; the other side is a character defect. Each in turn will lead to either an effective way of thinking or an ineffective one. This in turn results in actions that lead us toward dealing with our problem, or running away in defeat. Since our topic is taking stock of ourselves examine these traits:

Asset – Deficiency Sets:
Set 1: Unselfishness / Humility / Honesty or Selfishness / Pride / Dishonesty
Set 2: Trust / God Reliance / Courage or Self Reliance / Fear / Cowardice
Set 3: Self Control/Considerate/Healthy Relationships or Self Absorbed / Inconsiderate / Unhealthy Relationships

Take a look at each set. As was stated earlier, assets and deficiencies are binary. One is selfish or unselfish; prideful or humble; honest or dishonest.
Similarly, we can be trusting or fearful; courageous or cowardly; Self reliant or God reliant. We will exhibit self control or self absorption; consideration of others or disregard for them; damaged relationships or healthy relationships.

While there is a continuum or spectrum of possibilities in each facet, we are always moving toward one or the other. We cannot move toward honesty at the same time we move toward dishonesty. In that regard, they are mutually exclusive.

Suggestions:
How do we accurately identify each characteristic in ourselves, and then devise a plan to develop the positive and reduce the negatives? In order to be better positioned to confront our situation, we must develop the internal strength of character to do so. This means we must take a deeply honest and thorough look at ourselves.

Here are a few suggestions about how to proceed. Do not shrink from what may at first glance appear as an unnecessary activity.

Ask yourself these questions:
Am I getting the results I want utilizing my current thinking, actions, and beliefs?
Is my “Goliath”, my presenting issue, defeated?
If your answers indicate any shade of “no”, then uproot your deficiency, and cultivate the corresponding assets.

All of this is grand theory, but is useless without a practical actionable plan that is readily implemented. For a plan to be effective, it must be implemented fully. If you choose to follow this path, make a commitment to follow the trail to the end. Stopping in the middle is an invitation to failure and even greater difficulty.
On the other hand, if you endure to the end, you will conquer.

A recent article addressed the first half of this topic. This is the second half of the information centered around the topic of counting the cost of discipleship. It all began with a discussion at a meeting in Aurora where a question was advanced about discipleship.
God is First:
It has been said this way: When we put God in first place, whatever we put second will become first class! In each case, God has to come first. To be a disciple, he won’t take second place to anything in our lives. The cost of discipleship is high. It’s not cheap! We have to be willing to put everything on the altar.
Counting the Cost means:
We decide up front, in advance, to give God complete control and care of our life and will. So, when you who have counted the cost and have decided that you want to become a disciple, what are some steps to take? Here are some things you can consider and some questions to answer. It may be helpful to your process of thinking about this to write some things down.
Becoming A Disciple: Answer God’s Call
A Couple in a meeting in Aurora related this story: “In 1992, we were living in Granby, CO. We were driving to Denver, just the two of us. We had been seeking the Lord in prayer about His purpose for our lives as a couple. As we drove, we talked some and decided to pray and be quiet as we did so. Over about a 15 minute period, we rode quietly. I could hear her praying as I drove.
I had a profound sense of impression that we were called to “work with recovering people” That’s it; short and concise. I hesitated to say anything. Then I said; “I think we are to work with recovering people.” She looked at me with a curious gaze and said, “I just received that impression from the Lord.” We did not know anymore than that. We prayed and set about helping those we knew in the community. Since then we have led Recovery Bible Studies, Started recovery ministries in 3 churches, served as volunteers around the state and assisted in starting over 20 Recovery groups, become Pastors, have helped over 1000 people complete Step Studies. God called, we heard, went forth, and amazing things have happened. He did it for us; He’ll do it for you!”
1 Peter 5:10-11 (NLT) In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.
God is calling you! Here are some questions: What is God’s call? Have you heard? Have you asked? If not, why not? What is His call to you? Write it down
Becoming a Disciple: Look Forward
They continued on with their story: “In 2005, we moved from Grand Junction where we had a beautiful home we thought we would retire in and had secure jobs. We came to Denver to become Recovery Pastors at a large church in the area. 3 years later, in 2008, we were downsized as the recession took hold. Since that time, our lives have been progressively more difficult. “Employment has been difficult to find and keep; 3 jobs in two years; 2 layoffs; third was a dishonest contractor and he left” she said. We have been financially devastated. We have experienced resistance at every turn. At times, it has seemed that God has gone totally silent. We can’t tell you how many times we have felt hopeless and abandoned as we watched the downward slide and seemed powerless to do anything to stop it. He said: I have watched brokenhearted as my wife has expressed her frustration at not being able to live in her passion to minister as fully as she was before this began.”
The difficulty is in seeking to avoid the trap of looking back and wishing for better days. It makes us unable to see the present and future clearly. Scripture addresses this:
Luke 9:57-62 (New Living Translation) As they were walking along, someone said to Jesus, “I will follow you wherever you go.” But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.” He said to another person, “Come, follow me.” The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God.” Another said, “Yes, Lord, I will follow you, but first let me say good-bye to my family.” But Jesus told him, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”
Becoming a disciple is always about looking ahead. However, past failures and experiences may cloud our vision and keep us from seeing clearly. These memories can cause us to keep looking back in hurt, pain, loss, shame, and Unforgiveness. We keep reliving the expenses of the past and do not accurately asses the costs in the future. Thus, we begin things and sabotage them by being “stuck” to the past. Jesus said we need to be done with the past. The past is behind you. If you’re going to be a disciple of Christ, you’re going to have to put to rest some things from your past. God can forgive you, you need to forgive yourself.
Here are the questions: Is there a loss you haven’t mourned or dealt with; A negative pattern that has resurfaced; A past relationship that you feel guilty or unforgiven about; Is there something you need to make amends for; Is there someone you need to forgive? Take a moment and jot it down.
Becoming a Disciple: Expect Opposition
John 15:18-21 (New Living Translation) “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the One who sent me.
When you start moving toward God and becoming effective for the kingdom, you will be tempted by the enemy. You will become opposition-worthy. Up until you became a disciple, the enemy was fine with you. Now, you’re a threat to him.
1 Peter 4:12-19 (New Living Translation) Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. So be happy when you are insulted for being a Christian for then the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you.
The temptation in the present moment when we meet opposition is twofold: to either quit, or to deny that there are difficulties and problems. How many times in the last two years have you wanted to quit; hang it up; say uncle; anything to stop the pain.
The temptation to minimize is always there to avoid dealing with the brutal reality that we are in deep difficulty. The other side is the false optimism that says ‘Things will better soon” with no basis in fact. There is a difference between faith that says God will prevail and the reality that we do not know when that will be.
At the darkest moments, this verse would be helpful to hold in your mind: Job 19: 25-27 “But as for me, I know that my redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body, I will see God. I will see Him for myself. I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!”
Our redeemer lives! Look forward!
Some questions to answer and write down your answers:
What mask are you wearing; telling people “everything is OK” when you know it is not? Have you simply switched to another activity to avoid dealing with the difficulty or challenge? Carrying your cross means facing it!
How are you handling the stress; moving toward God or away?
Becoming a Disciple: Share Your Hope
This is about the future, for yourself and others. Listen to this passage:
1 Peter 3:13-15 (New Living Translation) Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.
Notice two things: Worship, and Carry the Gospel message; another way of saying the two great commands: Love God and Love people. To follow Jesus, this is what we are to do. As you go on this road, God will progressively give you greater and broader opportunities to share your hope. How does that happen? He is Faithful. Our redeemer lives! Where He guides, He provides. Our tendency may be to lapse into fear of the future which will prevent us from moving forward and following Jesus where He is calling us to go.
Think about how you will answer these questions: What is God calling you to do? What fears keep you from trying, taking action? Are these fears old or new? What are these fears costing you and God? What changes are you facing today? Are you afraid of these changes? Is this keeping you from following God fully?
These things you have written are in the way. If we really want to be disciples, we have to be willing to pay the cost to let these things go. Be encouraged; write down whatever is holding you back from being the disciple God’s calling you to be. Jesus died to remove that barrier. Prayerfully consider “nailing them to the cross”, to crucify these impediments to following Jesus where he wants you to go. Listen to what the Lord has to say to you before and after you do so.